Emma Magenta Coaching

I spent a day with a friend who is having a very hard time right now.

During that day, I said and did a couple of things that were insensitive.

So this morning, I woke up thinking about it.

In came the berating voice.

“Why did you say that? Why did you DO that? What’s the matter with you? Why am I like this?”

Etc etc etc.

As I brushed my teeth and got ready, I did some good hypothesizing about how my upbringing contributed to my defective character.

I thought about my various traumas and eccentricities, and their role in my behavior.

I thought about other circumstances where I’ve behaved insensitively.

Times I made people cry.

It was a real party inside my head, lemme tell ya!

Real good times.

Then, in comes the cavalry.

ANOTHER PART of myself, another voice, has this to say:

“Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Wait just a goddamn minute!

“We know this dance. It’s the pits! What other stories can we tell about how you showed up for your friend? What else happened?

I had to think about it for a minute. Then this came flooding in:

  • I cleared my schedule to spend time with them.
  • I asked my husband to handle all the pet care, cooking, household chores for that day.
  • I spent two hours traveling into and out of NYC even though I hate NYC.
  • I listened intently, with my whole self, as my friend talked about their troubles.
  • I encouraged them to take good care of themselves, and did some brainstorming around that.
  • I noticed and complimented the many ways they are being resourceful in a challenging situation.
  • When I realized I had said and done an insensitive thing, I apologized for it as soon as possible.
  • I deeply participated in their grief without making it about me.
  • I told them how much I admire them and how proud I am of them.
  • I gave many lingering hugs.
  • I treated for lunch.
  • I brought a present.
  • I laughed with them and loved them with my whole self.
  • I told them I love them many times.

There’s a part of me, an inner nay-sayer, who elides what I do RIGHT. A part who forgets that my friend loves me just as much as I love them. A part who thinks that one mistake is all it takes to ruin a 28 year friendship.

If you follow my writing here, or if I’m your coach, you know how this ends–

I send my nay-saying part love.

But I don’t let her drive.

Got an inner hater who just won’t quit? She probably could benefit from some coaching.Give me a call and let me talk to her. So that you can get on with being magical.

Get on my calendar today.