I’ve decided to start stuttering more.
Or, more precisely,
I’ve decided to unmask my natural speaking voice.
Did you know that stuttering is a form of neurodivergence?
For me, it was A BIG DEAL to find out that my stutter wasn’t a character flaw, or a sign of emotional weakness, or a bizarrely hidden physical deformity.
Instead, stuttering, like ADHD, happens because your brain is wired differently.
There’s a part of your brain, far far below your conscious thought, that handles the timing of your speech. In stutterers, it doesn’t always send the messages at the right time.
Just to give you a little background:
- My stutter is mild enough that I’m able to mask it most of the time.
- I’ve had multiple careers that involved public speaking.
- I've been told by many people that I’m a great public speaker, and Lord knows I never met a microphone I didn’t like!
That being said:
- I have carried enormous shame about my stutter my entire life.
- I knew it was a source of anxiety and shame for my parents.
- It was pathologized by the school system I was educated in.
- I was bullied about it in school.
I spent so much time learning to mask my stutter that it’s not really much of an issue for me, as an adult.
I’m naturally a very adept, facile communicator. And stuttering has made me even more so—every stutterer knows she has to have an array of vocabulary words on hand in case she can’t use her first choice.
But recently, because of Joe Biden, I’ve found myself wanting to be more open about this part of my identity.
For the past four years, I haven’t watched a single Joe Biden speech. I couldn’t watch the debates in 2020. Partly because EWW but also because, as I told my husband, “the entire time I’m just gonna be on pins and needles that he’s going to stutter.”
I was taken aback by my tears, when I turned on his speech last week.
I listened just long enough to hear him stutter openly, and then say, “Only in America could a kid with a stutter from Scanton become President of the United States.”
Like, if the President of the United States can unmask and stutter openly? So can I.
What would it be like for you to unmask some part of your ADHD?
What would you want to reveal?
Warmly,
Emma
PS: It’s totally fine with me if you kindly finish my word for me. It’s also fine if you patiently wait. Know what I really love? When you give me a warm smile and just keep the conversation moving.