Here’s what a feeling is.
A feeling is something like:
Anxiety
Sadness
Elation
Joy
Grief
Fear
Ambivalence
Loneliness
Anger
Irritation
Curiousity
(Not an exhaustive list.)
This is something I work on with my clients.
Because a lot of us aren’t in the habit of using emotion words.
You ask somebody,
“What emotions come up for you around this?“
And instead of saying, “I feel excited, anxious, and guilty,”
…they say, “Well I was thinking that maybe the right thing to do would be to get myself away from the Caribbean and go to the American colonies and see if I can get myself into law school but I was talking to my uncle about it and he said that he really needed me around the store so then I started thinking if I go to the colonies it’ll really be hard for my uncle because he’s going to have to manage the import/export business by himself.”
That’s really interesting, Alexander Hamilton, but there’s no emotions in there!
(Remember—emotions are things like in the list above.)
Look, I get it—in some way, it feels reductive and inhibiting to use those emotion words. Our inner experience is so much richer, more nuanced, and more complex than those words.
* The STORIES we tell about emotions are complex. *
* The SENSATIONS we have of emotions are complex. *
I think that’s why it is hard to just say things like:
~ “I’m scared I’ll be lonely.” ~
~ “I’m angry that I was treated that way.” ~
~ “I’m sad about what happened in my family.” ~
But it’s really worth it to practice using those words.
Even though they seem so simple and reductive.
Because simplicity creates clarity.
What is your name, if not a ridiculously simple word
for the marvelously complex and nuanced entity
that is you?
Once you can name your anger, sadness, loneliness, curiosity, etc…
…you’ll probably be a lot clearer on what to do about it.
So: practice.
Next time somebody asks you,
“How do you feel about that?”
Try answering with an emotion.
Here’s the formula: “I feel _______.”
(Emotion word goes in the blank.)
And if nobody ever asks you that question,
you really could use a coach.
(That’s me.)
~ ~ * ! * ~ ~
Ready for coaching? Get in touch here!