My dear, I have so many big, uncomfortable feels around the holiday season.
Maybe you do too?
For me, I feel:
- Overwhelmed by all the stuff to do.
- Anxious that I’m going to let people down.
- Lonely when family closeness doesn’t feel close.
- Regretful about holidays past.
- Sad my holidays don’t look like the movies.
- Worried about money, even when I’m flush.
- Tired because of winter.
Just writing this out, I feel so much compassion for myself! And for you, my dear ADHD friend, who may be feeling something similar.
My discomfort with the holidays started when I was pretty young. I wish I’d learned, as an ADHD kid, how to navigate the emotional highs and lows of the season.
As an ADHD adult, I’m practicing the skill of moving through a season that isn’t always easy for me.
So today, I’m sharing a few suggestions that I hope will help your kids (and maybe even you) move through this season more comfortably.
Let’s start with this:
Suggestion 1: Talk to your kids about the natural rhythm of big events.
All big events have a rhythm, like a song that begins softly, swells to a crescendo, and then slowly fades away. Nature moves this way too—waves ebb and flow, the moon waxes and wanes, seasons shift.
You could say something like: "Big events, like holidays, have a pattern. At first, things start out small—just a little bit of excitement. Then it gets bigger and bigger, until the big day comes! After that, it all slows down again.”
“It’s kind of like a wave: the feelings get bigger as the wave grows, and then they calm down when the wave rolls back into the ocean. That’s totally normal, and it’s OK to feel all of it."
Suggestion 2: Talk to your kids about post-event letdown.
A really important part of the cycle of big events is what happens AFTER the event. After something big, like a holiday or a party, it’s normal to feel tired, grumpy, sad, or empty.
For ADHD kids—and yes, adults too!—this letdown can be intense. It might involve emotional meltdowns or a sense of melancholy as all those big feelings settle down.
You can explain it to your kids like this: "Sometimes, after something exciting happens, we don’t feel so great. It’s not because anything went wrong—it’s just how our brains and bodies work. Big feelings need time to settle down. Sometimes people need some rest or quiet time to recharge."
Suggestion 3: Talk to your kids about being in the moment.
The ability to live in the moment is part of a suite of skills that psychologists call “psychological flexibility.” It is so incredibly hard to be “in the moment” during the holidays!
We’re reminded of holidays past, in good and bad ways. We’re making plans for how we want things to go. All too often, in the moment, we’re focused on what ISN’T going to plan.
How do you stay present? Slow down and feel. Notice. Experience. You can explain to your kids (and verbalize to yourself) that’s what you’re doing!
- "Let’s make a fire and just hang out together. I love just being with you."
- "Ohhh my favorite cinnamon rolls! I’m gonna savor this."
- "I’m so glad your cousins are here! Let’s stay home tonight and just enjoy our time together.”
- "The fresh air outside feels so crisp. I’m going to take a little walk to enjoy it. Wanna come with me?"
Suggestion 4: Normalize complex feelings around presents.
Gifts can be a freaking emotional rollercoaster! Some examples:
- Anticipation: “Mom said she might get me that synthesizer for Hanukkah!”
- Excitement: “I’m finally opening it! What’s inside?”
- Pleasure: “It’s EXACTLY what I wanted!”
- Anxiety: “What if I don’t like it as much as I thought I would?”
- Disappointment: “Oh. It’s…socks.”
- Gratitude: “Grandpa got me this book because he knows I love animals.”
- Resentment: “Why does she ALWAYS get more presents than me?”
- Anger: “I TOLD Mom I wanted the Combat Ranger 6 and this is the Combat Ranger 7!”
All of these feelings are valid. And your kids will feel safer expressing them if they know it’s OK to talk about them.
YOUR complex feelings around gifts are valid too!
In fact, that’s my main message for you, this holiday season:
Your complex feelings are valid.
If this email hits home for you, I want you to know that life doesn’t have to be this hard, during the holidays OR the rest of the year.
Feelings of overwhelm, emotional rollercoasters, the constant push and pull between "I should be doing more" and "I just need a break"—this is DAILY life for many ADHD women.
Do you want to change this?
When you do one-on-one ADHD coaching, you learn tools and strategies to feel more grounded, more present, more effective, and more YOU all year long.
👉 Join my waitlist for one-on-one coaching in 2025. 👈
Enrollment opens on January 21, and people on my waitlist will get first dibs on my limited roster, plus special discounts and bonuses I won’t be offering anywhere else.
I can’t wait to support you.
Big Hug,
Emma