ADHD women crave something they have no name for.
It’s something called “self-efficacy”.
The idea of self-efficacy was first proposed by psychologist Albert Bandura in 1977. Here’s how he defined it:
“The belief in one's capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations."
Put more simply:
Self-efficacy is belief that you can do what needs to be done.
Most late-diagnosed ADHD women have very low self-efficacy.
Why?
Because until we are diagnosed, and then hopefully educated about the implications of diagnosis, we have no mental framework for what’s going on in our lives. All we can see is a string of inexplicable failures. We spend decades wondering why we can’t get it together.
We lose faith in our abilities. We lose faith in ourselves. It’s tragic!
My dear friend: I want you to know that this can get better.
You can improve your self-efficacy!
You can learn skills, mindsets, and practices that enable you to do what you want to do. And be who you want to be.
I know this can happen for you, because it happened for me. And I witness it happening every day, for the late-diagnosed ADHD women who are my clients.
You’re probably wondering HOW.
Well, increasing self-efficacy is a big project. But one of the best ways you can begin is this:
Practice the skill of taking very small actions toward what is important to you.
Yes, you need to practice.
An example from my life: flossing. I’ve written here and elsewhere about my determination to become a better flosser.
1. I decided it was important to me.
2. I connected it to one of my values, which is self-love.
3. I broke it down into TEENY actions, like, “remembering to floss”, “taking floss out of box”, “just doing it for 30 seconds”.
4. I thought about how I could support myself to do those actions (keeping box at eye level, figuring out the exact amount of floss I need, setting a timer)
5. I enlisted hubby’s help. We floss together.
6. When I fall off the wagon, I remind myself that my goal is persistence, not consistency.
7. I celebrate myself for doing it!
So here’s my invitation to you:
1. Choose a small habit or project you want to focus on.
2. Reflect on which of your values is reflected by that habit or project.
3. Decide on the TEENSIEST small step you could take toward it.
4. Think about how you can make that step as easy as possible to take.
5. As someone to support you.
6. Remember your goal is PERSISTENCE, not perfection.
7. Celebrate yourself!
As you find yourself actually following through more and more, your faith in yourself—your self-efficacy—will bloom. But you need to keep your action steps very small!
And when you’re ready for help with this, book a Discovery Call with me. Helping ADHD women with this stuff is a joy for me! I can’t wait to meet you.
Big Hug,
Emma