every single one of
your feelings is
TOTALLY, 100% VALID.
Yes, every single one of them!
If a toddler steps on your foot and it fills you with rage, VALID.
If someone looks at you funny and it fills you with sadness, VALID.
If you discover a new niche hobby and it fills you with excitement, VALID.
So many ADHD women I meet are constantly trying to determine whether or not their feelings are valid.
The thinking goes something like this:
“If my feelings are valid, then it’s okay for me to feel them, and I am allowed to respond. If my feelings are invalid, then it’s not okay for me to feel them, and I am not allowed to make a response.”
If we decide, or are told, that our feelings are invalid, then we get to work on:
Ignoring our feelings…
Arguing them “away”…
Trying to talk ourselves out of them…
Shaming ourselves for them…
👆THOSE STRATEGIES DO NOT WORK 👆
And in fact, a strategy of NOT FEELING or DISMISSING your feelings costs you in the long run.
Feelings are a big part of what makes a human life rich and meaningful. Yes, even the painful ones.
(Obvi, when they are too big and painful, we need mental healthcare.)
Your feelings are yours. As Natasha Bedingfield says, no one else can feel them for you.
Your feelings are:
⁃ your inheritance from nature
⁃ evolved over millions of years to enrich and enlighten you
⁃ one of the instruments that connects you to planet earth, to the people you love, to the universe
⁃ irreplaceable sources of information about your deepest self
The thing is, the validity of your feelings is a separate issue from what actions you choose to take.
You can acknowledge your feelings, make room for them, feel them deeply, honor them as important parts of your magic, cherish them as messages from your deepest self…
…and not let them drive the bus of your actions.
Beloved ADHD woman,
Living a meaningful life
depends on you being able to feel,
acknowledge your feelings,
and take actions that honor them.
You get to be a whole person.
PS: I say all this is somebody who is currently medicated for depression, and who has struggled with intensity of her emotions her entire life.