Beloved ADHD Woman,
Stop telling yourself these five things:
1) “I’m just making excuses.”
An excuse is a bad faith explanation to absolve yourself of consequences.
I know a lot of ADHD women. And most of them, far from using their ADHD as an excuse, default to thinking that their challenges are the result of a character flaw.
Your ADHD gives important context for a lot of the things you do and the ways you operate. It’s not an excuse!
2) “I’m lazy.”
Take a minute to consider: what cultural stereotypes are associated with laziness? The first phrase that leaps to my mind is “lazy b!tch,” and I doubt I’m alone in that.
Laziness is a cultural construct that doesn’t serve you! And in fact, doesn’t serve anyone. We all need rest and we’re all worthy of leisure.
I invite you to begin seriously questioning the hustle-culture beliefs that you beat yourself up with.
3) Maybe I’m just making all this up.
Maybe.
I will say though, that I usually hear this from ADHDers in one of two situations:
1. This is an ADHDer at the crest of a productivity jag.
2. This is an ADHDer at the nadir of a self-doubt episode.
Re the first: As you know, the productivity jag will end. And if you’re not careful, it will end in burnout! This is because your rhythms are often different from neurotypical rhythms.
Re the second: No, sweetheart. You’re not making it up! Things really ARE harder for you—you’ve been playing the game of life on hard mode.
4) “I’m being irresponsible.”
This is something I hear from ADHDers who are having a hard time letting go of unreasonable expectations.
Might be expectations they have of themselves.
Might be expectations from their families.
Might be expectations from their job.
Might be cultural expectations.
It’s not irresponsible to face the fact that some expectations don’t match your reality.
If anything, it’s MORE responsible to face this, and then design your life around what ACTUALLY works for you, not what somebody else thinks SHOULD work for you.
5. “I’m just feeling sorry for myself”
Yes, you ARE feeling sorry for yourself, and THAT IS WONDERFUL. Who else is going to feel sorry for you?
As I always say, feelings are valuable information. It’s part of your genetic inheritance as a human being to feel things, and to allow those feelings to inform your attitudes and actions.
So ask yourself—why do I feel sorry? Chances are good, you’re grappling with something painful and/or overwhelming, without enough support.
Each of us is unique. But ADHD women tend to have verrrrry similar struggles. I’m an ADHD woman myself and I know the territory!
If you’re ready for:
- less shame
- more confidence
- less aimless noodling
- more clarity
- less burnout
- more vitality
…schedule a Discovery Call with me! And let’s find out what’s possible for you.
Warmly,
Emma
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